The Little Mermaid
My favorite color lately has been blue.
I'm talking soul-piercing deep vibrant blue.
Blue that isn't stagnant...ever changing flowing hues of ocean.
Like refreshing waters, but has the power to sweep you away, steal your breath, and crush you.
That kind of blue.
A blue that holds the deepest of sorrows...but also a peace that passes understanding.
A blue that can fill to bursting all of the forgotten corners of my very being.
Cleansing. Freedom. Bubbling Joy.
I want to swim and breathe in that kind of blue, let it flow through my veins.
...but I settle for redecorating my house and painting my nails. Blues.
...with an accent of piercing red.
***
Driving home from church that Sunday, my husband reached over and took my hand.
"Why did you grab me during church? I thought you were about to have a seizure!" He said, thinking back to the worship set when I suddenly clung to his side and held on to keep from falling over.
I paused and simply replied...
"The Holy Spirit was working."
After a time I said, "you know, someone once told me that I see things differently. Like I have different sight than other people. Almost like I can see psychedelic colors that other people can't." I looked at Drew..."I think that's true. Maybe not about the colors part...but I do see deep connections and color has meaning for me that I can't explain to anyone else. It gets frustrating sometimes, I just want people to be able to jump into my imagination to understand. Explaining in words just isn't enough."
But I can still try.
***
When I was a little girl, one of my favorite movies was Disney's The Little Mermaid. I loved Ariel! I identified with her. I mean, c'mon, the red hair!
But it was more than that. I found her captivating. Her beautiful voice. Her desire to explore and feel her feelings deeply. She was a princess, royalty. She was also stubborn and impatient.
Not only did her red hair make her stand out from the crowd, in general she was just different from the other mer-people. She wasn't satisfied with her life under the sea. Her heart ached for more, to explore another world. It's as if she knew she wasn't meant for her own (in her eyes) mundane life.
I would have loved to trade places with her. Human for mermaid. I would love to swim and explore the mysteries and beauty of deep waters.
What I'm saying is.... I get it. That feeling that this world just isn't enough to satisfy. That there is more to explore. My heart longs for heaven. I ache for the garden, the way things were meant to be. That soul-knowing feeling that this place isn't my true home.
And let's not forget that Ariel loses her voice for a good chunk of the story. Oh, I feel that sadness to my bones. I was the "quiet girl" for much of my childhood. Many people thought I was shy. Even now, I am still trying to dive into the why...why did I feel so voiceless as a girl? What exactly were my fears?
Whatever the reasons...the lonely pain of my silence is still very real. I learn a little more every year about how, back then, Satan was working to steal my voice. He's still trying. He knew that my words could have power. At least now, as an adult, I am starting to recognize his lies more than I could as a little girl. Like, when I'm sitting in a group of people and I suddenly feel like my words have no worth, that I am not good enough. And even if I try to speak, it won't exit my mouth well enough to be truly understood. All lies. And I feel like I am scared and little, I'm eight years old all over again.
Feeling voice-less is something I know well.
Only through God's love have I begun to remember who I really am as His beloved, and I am continually regaining my voice little by little.
***
A couple months ago I went with my niece, sister-in-law, and brother-in-law to the homeschool production of The Little Mermaid. (Shout out, well done! It was phenomenal!) It reignited my love for the story.
A month later I saw some paintings of blue water at Third Church in Pella...and I just wanted to jump in!
OH, I wish you could feel that tug on my heart strings by simply looking at color!
For Christmas, my husband, knowing how much I love fiction books that take a twist on well known fairy tales, bought me several "A Twisted Tale" novels. So of course the first one I pounced on was Part of Your World by Liz Braswell. The book is predominately told from Ariel's perspective. The twist is that Ursula won at the end of the well-known story and it picks up years later.
Early in the book Ariel has this realization that her father, King Triton, had the power to give her legs and turn her into a human all along. She thought to herself, if only she had tried to work something out with him, have him turn her into a human just to try it out. But instead, when his initial response was "no", she was stubborn and found her own means to become human...a dangerous route that led her to the Sea Witch, where she signed away her voice and ultimately her soul.
I looked up from my reading. Woah.
Once upon a time, I learned to see metaphors between stories and spirituality. I am well aware, that these are not "perfect metaphors"....BUT I do believe there is a reason that my heart identifies with some stories so strongly.
So there I was thinking about the many times God's answer to some prayers was "not yet" and my impatience and stubbornness led to me to try to still get it on my own. Doing things "my way" in "my timing" usually ended up taking me down a sinful path that only left me feeling hurt.
Like Ariel, I longed for love from one boy or another. Often, my pursuit for a relationship only led to heartbreak...and left me thinking, if only I had waited for God's timing. Ultimately, God used those things to help me grow...and the great mystery is that without the broken parts, the ending wouldn't be as beautiful.
***
So back to that Sunday. Similar to that worship night in college when the Holy Spirit swept me into the story of Snow White and Sleeping Beauty and the metaphors of the awakening kiss...there I was in yet another worship set and the Holy Spirit taking me to deeper waters. This time, the story of a red-haired mermaid.
As the music played, my imagination was going wild with blues. Swimming in the ocean, almost feeling the coolness against my skin and my hair floating free. My mind playing all the metaphors...all the connections. I felt God's presence like water all around and through me. Floating through the story...it was there, when Ariel had failed at the end of the three days and Ursula demanded her soul.
It was there. How could I have missed this most important part!?
King Triton, God of the Sea, her Father....traded his life for his daughter.
OH, it was like the trident pierced my heart, as if I was Ursula myself.
The father....whose daughter went her own way and got herself into the biggest sinful mess...a mess that required payment. He took it on himself so she could be free. True love.
Forget about Eric...really c'mon, we all know that was a shallow kind of love anyway.
The father's love though. How deep the father's love for us.
It was here that I gripped my husbands arm and almost fell over by the weight of it.
How vast beyond all measure?
Now if you know the rest of the story...you know that as a whole it is by no means a perfect metaphor.
That He should give His only son...
But what if we looked at all stories, things that seem simple...really looked...
To make a wretch His treasure.
to find Him in the midst of it all and let Him transform us?
It does have a happily-ever-after ending and Triton only temporarily belongs to the Sea Witch. She is defeated in the end. And Triton sends his daughter back to the world of humans. (Even in that, I think there is more to unpack. :) )
I'm talking soul-piercing deep vibrant blue.
Blue that isn't stagnant...ever changing flowing hues of ocean.
Like refreshing waters, but has the power to sweep you away, steal your breath, and crush you.
That kind of blue.
A blue that holds the deepest of sorrows...but also a peace that passes understanding.
A blue that can fill to bursting all of the forgotten corners of my very being.
Cleansing. Freedom. Bubbling Joy.
I want to swim and breathe in that kind of blue, let it flow through my veins.
...but I settle for redecorating my house and painting my nails. Blues.
...with an accent of piercing red.
***
Driving home from church that Sunday, my husband reached over and took my hand.
"Why did you grab me during church? I thought you were about to have a seizure!" He said, thinking back to the worship set when I suddenly clung to his side and held on to keep from falling over.
I paused and simply replied...
"The Holy Spirit was working."
After a time I said, "you know, someone once told me that I see things differently. Like I have different sight than other people. Almost like I can see psychedelic colors that other people can't." I looked at Drew..."I think that's true. Maybe not about the colors part...but I do see deep connections and color has meaning for me that I can't explain to anyone else. It gets frustrating sometimes, I just want people to be able to jump into my imagination to understand. Explaining in words just isn't enough."
But I can still try.
***
When I was a little girl, one of my favorite movies was Disney's The Little Mermaid. I loved Ariel! I identified with her. I mean, c'mon, the red hair!
But it was more than that. I found her captivating. Her beautiful voice. Her desire to explore and feel her feelings deeply. She was a princess, royalty. She was also stubborn and impatient.
Not only did her red hair make her stand out from the crowd, in general she was just different from the other mer-people. She wasn't satisfied with her life under the sea. Her heart ached for more, to explore another world. It's as if she knew she wasn't meant for her own (in her eyes) mundane life.
I would have loved to trade places with her. Human for mermaid. I would love to swim and explore the mysteries and beauty of deep waters.
What I'm saying is.... I get it. That feeling that this world just isn't enough to satisfy. That there is more to explore. My heart longs for heaven. I ache for the garden, the way things were meant to be. That soul-knowing feeling that this place isn't my true home.
And let's not forget that Ariel loses her voice for a good chunk of the story. Oh, I feel that sadness to my bones. I was the "quiet girl" for much of my childhood. Many people thought I was shy. Even now, I am still trying to dive into the why...why did I feel so voiceless as a girl? What exactly were my fears?
Whatever the reasons...the lonely pain of my silence is still very real. I learn a little more every year about how, back then, Satan was working to steal my voice. He's still trying. He knew that my words could have power. At least now, as an adult, I am starting to recognize his lies more than I could as a little girl. Like, when I'm sitting in a group of people and I suddenly feel like my words have no worth, that I am not good enough. And even if I try to speak, it won't exit my mouth well enough to be truly understood. All lies. And I feel like I am scared and little, I'm eight years old all over again.
Feeling voice-less is something I know well.
Only through God's love have I begun to remember who I really am as His beloved, and I am continually regaining my voice little by little.
***
A couple months ago I went with my niece, sister-in-law, and brother-in-law to the homeschool production of The Little Mermaid. (Shout out, well done! It was phenomenal!) It reignited my love for the story.
A month later I saw some paintings of blue water at Third Church in Pella...and I just wanted to jump in!
OH, I wish you could feel that tug on my heart strings by simply looking at color!
For Christmas, my husband, knowing how much I love fiction books that take a twist on well known fairy tales, bought me several "A Twisted Tale" novels. So of course the first one I pounced on was Part of Your World by Liz Braswell. The book is predominately told from Ariel's perspective. The twist is that Ursula won at the end of the well-known story and it picks up years later.
Early in the book Ariel has this realization that her father, King Triton, had the power to give her legs and turn her into a human all along. She thought to herself, if only she had tried to work something out with him, have him turn her into a human just to try it out. But instead, when his initial response was "no", she was stubborn and found her own means to become human...a dangerous route that led her to the Sea Witch, where she signed away her voice and ultimately her soul.
I looked up from my reading. Woah.
Once upon a time, I learned to see metaphors between stories and spirituality. I am well aware, that these are not "perfect metaphors"....BUT I do believe there is a reason that my heart identifies with some stories so strongly.
So there I was thinking about the many times God's answer to some prayers was "not yet" and my impatience and stubbornness led to me to try to still get it on my own. Doing things "my way" in "my timing" usually ended up taking me down a sinful path that only left me feeling hurt.
Like Ariel, I longed for love from one boy or another. Often, my pursuit for a relationship only led to heartbreak...and left me thinking, if only I had waited for God's timing. Ultimately, God used those things to help me grow...and the great mystery is that without the broken parts, the ending wouldn't be as beautiful.
***
So back to that Sunday. Similar to that worship night in college when the Holy Spirit swept me into the story of Snow White and Sleeping Beauty and the metaphors of the awakening kiss...there I was in yet another worship set and the Holy Spirit taking me to deeper waters. This time, the story of a red-haired mermaid.
As the music played, my imagination was going wild with blues. Swimming in the ocean, almost feeling the coolness against my skin and my hair floating free. My mind playing all the metaphors...all the connections. I felt God's presence like water all around and through me. Floating through the story...it was there, when Ariel had failed at the end of the three days and Ursula demanded her soul.
It was there. How could I have missed this most important part!?
King Triton, God of the Sea, her Father....traded his life for his daughter.
OH, it was like the trident pierced my heart, as if I was Ursula myself.
The father....whose daughter went her own way and got herself into the biggest sinful mess...a mess that required payment. He took it on himself so she could be free. True love.
Forget about Eric...really c'mon, we all know that was a shallow kind of love anyway.
The father's love though. How deep the father's love for us.
It was here that I gripped my husbands arm and almost fell over by the weight of it.
How vast beyond all measure?
Now if you know the rest of the story...you know that as a whole it is by no means a perfect metaphor.
That He should give His only son...
But what if we looked at all stories, things that seem simple...really looked...
To make a wretch His treasure.
to find Him in the midst of it all and let Him transform us?
It does have a happily-ever-after ending and Triton only temporarily belongs to the Sea Witch. She is defeated in the end. And Triton sends his daughter back to the world of humans. (Even in that, I think there is more to unpack. :) )
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