Portraiture

Portraits have always kind of been my "thing".
I'm fascinated by faces.
And I love the challenge of it
....most of the time.

A week ago, Abbie, an old friend of mine, called me up and told me she would be in the area in a couple weeks and would like to see me! Abbie was one of my best friends in high school. But as is often the case...life happens. Since high school we've seen each other less and less to the point that I have seen her maybe twice in the last five years. (Random side thought: I think choosing which friendships to maintain is one of the saddest and hardest things to do as an adult!)

So as you can imagine, I was was pretty stoked to hear I would get to see her soon.

...but then that sinking realization. Oh, shoot, guess this means I'll have to finish it.

"It". As in the portrait I started painting over a year ago of Abbie and her husband.
The one that was meant to be a wedding gift...for a wedding that happened over two years ago.
The one I spent hours on and got so frustrated that I put it away and out of sight for months.

Several years ago when my closest friends started getting married, I decided I would do couples portraits as wedding gifts. Now it's something friends almost expect from me.

But this was the hardest portrait I've ever done.
Whether it was the fact that it was for a dear friend of mine that I knew so well...and oh my gosh I just couldn't get her face "just right!" Or maybe it was the fact that I am out of practice and don't paint all that much lately (if I'm honest).
Whatever the case, I started to wonder if I have what it takes anymore.
And I'm not talking skill. I've got plenty of that. *wink*
I'm talking about patience.

Have I become so introspective that I've forgotten how to look outside myself?
When did I become so impatient?
I used to be able to spend hours working meticulously on portraits.



Portraits are a very intimate form of art....it's one of the reasons I love them so much. God did such a great job when he created human faces! I think about how God must have felt when he lovingly knit each of us together.

I learn more about my subjects than they realize. I see everything. I come to know that face. And each face is incredibly beautiful. Even those things we wish we could hide...
Each freckle. The subtle curve of the nostrils. Those blemishes on the cheeks. Wrinkles around the eyes and on the forehead.

By the end of each portrait, I have a bond with that person. They don't realize it...but we are connected. I have studied them. Deeply.

Portraiture requires intense study of all the shapes and lines of the face, subtle color changes and shading. I study all the flaws and work inch by inch. If one line is just a little off...it can change the entire facial expression.

 The real thrill is being able to capture the personality and essence of a person within the painting. If I can do that, I'm golden. I've won.

However, in order to do this it takes an incredible amount of time and patience. And prayer.

So halfway through this portrait I realized that I am no longer a very patient person. I want to work on that. I want to slow down and really take the time to study people again. (mmm and I'm not just talking portraiture here. ;) Really taking the time to get to know people)

***

Secondly, I finally accepted the fact that my artistic style has changed. That's partly why this portrait was so difficult. I've been trying to force myself to fit back into a shell that I've grown out of.

Flashback to when I was in India -  I was chatting with one of my guides. In the midst of telling me the plans to try and have "artist retreats" in Delhi, he mentioned how travel can change an artist's style. I stopped dead in my tracks and gawked at him.
Travel has changed my art. I didn't even know it until then.

Back in high school and early college, I was very good at realistic drawing and painting. I could look at something and draw/paint it exactly so that it almost looked like a photograph.
I studied abroad in London during my Spring Semester of 2011 and the following Fall Semester I took a painting class. I remember randomly looking at a photo I had taken of some buildings from Bath, England and quickly painted it haphazardly. It was totally out of character for me. The professor came over and I saw his eyebrows shoot up. He pointed at it and looked me straight in the eye. "I want to see you do more of that."
So I did. And I found that I like it much better. In fact, I didn't want to go back to drawing photographically. This was more fun!

****

Part of the way through this portrait, I was seriously struggling with getting the shading on the faces to perfection. No one else probably would have been able to tell the difference, of course, but I could!

An artist is her own biggest critic.

But a big part of my problem was that I knew I was trying to paint a perfect rendition of imperfect human beings. I have grown to love imperfections in art. Embracing the messiness of it.

I have not graduated from my love of portraits. Towards the end, I felt that familiar adrenaline rush! The victory! 

But perhaps next time I will try dabbling in a new style of portraiture. ;)

I love in-process photos...beginning to end. :)

Annnnnnd...a year later...the Finished Portrait: