I am Hephzibah
I looked out the window and my gasp caught the leap of my heart. The snow falling lightly, air still...no wind, and those little flakes catching the reflection of the sun...glinting like diamonds falling from the sky. Or glitter. Or crystal sprinkles for cupcakes. I opened my door and almost dashed into the sparkles to let the diamond dust cover my hair or to catch one on my tongue.
I just shook my head with a soft smile. That Son of Man sure knows how to romance me.
Not long ago my youngest brother, Adam, was telling
me about some love songs he had written. I had to chuckle thinking about
when I was a sophmore in high school too and falling in love was so
easy...but falling out of love even easier. I urged Adam not to date.
And
said, "I'm 24 and still don't know what love is..."
Always learning. Have I not yet known the Love already mine?
I finished reading One Thousand Gifts not long ago. Ah, what a great book! Ann Voskamp, what a woman!
The next book could have called to me from the shelf...so I finally delved into Wild at Heart. ;)
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| Bahaha...I couldn't resist |
The last part goes like this:
"Like the sea that brooks no voyaging
With the winds unleashed and free,
Like the sea that he cowed at Genseret
Wi' twey words spoke' suddenly
A master of men was the Goodly Fere,
A mate of the wind and sea,
If they think they ha' slain our Goodly Fere
They are fools eternally."
So here's Jesus, set out to claim what is his. Good form. Battles for his treasure (the heart of His Bride). Plus, He can calm the wind and waves...the best Captain there is. Who walks on the water and commands the seas? My love.
He's not a wimp...our Jesus!
I had visions once, for a whole year of seasons, of Jesus dancing with me on the waters:
Summer still sea, sunshine...him twirling me...spinning out only to return to his arms.
Then waves crashing around and thunder ripping furious through the skies ...still we danced.
But when winter came I stood on the frozen lake, snow falling and He wasn't there, but I could still feel his presence...and I danced alone.
Again...this song:
It has come time for me to fall in love with the masculine heart of my God.
"...the children of Israel are pinned against the Red Sea, no way out, with Pharaoh and his army barreling down on them in murderous fury. Then God shows up. There's Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, who get rescued only after they're thrown into the fiery furnace. Then God shows up. He lets the mob kill Jesus, bury him...then he shows up. Do you know why God loves writing such incredible stories? Because he loves to come through. He loves to show us that he has what it takes." (Wild at Heart)
All this whining and begging and crying out, soul groaning for God to rescue. Why does He wait? Well the rescue must be all the sweeter. This story He is writing of my life is going to be incredible. The miracle...just around the corner.
I can feel it.
He is returning. I have felt alone and abandoned (which of course isn't true, but can be hard to feel). Like He is far from me speaking too quietly for me to hear and listening to me but not responding. I have trembled in rage at my waiting but am now learning to tremble in submission. Open my hands and let Him in. Empty to fill. Fill me up, Lord. I come thirsty.
Changes are always happening. Not just in the transitions of my life...possibilities and potential.
I am Hephzibah.
Hephzibah is a Hebrew word meaning "my delight is in her."
I am married.
"...you shall be called by a new name, which the mouth of the Lord will name...You shall no longer be termed Forsaken...but you shall be called Hephzibah...for the Lord delights in you..." (Isaiah 62)
"For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is His name." (Isaiah 54)
"I will allure her, will bring her into the wilderness, and speak comfort to her...and it shall be, in that day," says the Lord, "that you will call Me 'My Husband,' and no longer call Me 'My Master.'" (Hosea 2)
When I was 16 my parents gave me a ring. It is gold with my birthstone, a garnet, in the shape of a heart. It has three tiny diamonds that, to me, represent the trinity. And etched in flowing cursive it reads "pure heart." I wear it on my ring finger as a reminder to save myself for my husband. But more than that, to strive to keep my heart and my mind pure for Jesus..
Lately I've been wanting to take it off. I have students that will notice it every so often and exclaim "Mrs. Holcomb! I didn't know you were married!!!" And I have to explain what it is...choosing my words wisely of course. I've even had new people I meet assume I'm taken because they notice the ring. It's a little annoying at times! There were a number of Sundays that I went to church with my brother and I could just tell that people thought we were a couple. I'm not ashamed of the ring, it's probably my most precious possession!...but it's moments like this that just make me sigh in frustration.
True Love Waits.
But does it? Love is already mine. The Truest Love does not wait. And Jesus is my Truth. If there is any waiting involved, it's the waiting He must do on my behalf when I start prancing after lesser lovers that the world dangles in front of me...
On a somewhat related note -
Reading through the first chapter of Wild At Heart sparked a memory. And I have to smile at it with a new awareness and appreciation for the wild-at-hearts in my life. Guys, men, I appreciate you for who you are!
We had just seen the Hunger Games at the Pella movie theater and were walking back to campus, a few blocks away. Crisp autumn evening, the yellow glow of the street lamps on the brick of those Dutch-streets. My giant of a brother, Andy. Christian, our friend who sometimes comes across as a macho muscle-building health fanatic, but is quite sensitive. And Yiding, a new girl to me, studying at Central from China...who is occasionally oblivious to her surroundings.
As we were walking, a couple of skater-gangsters (okay, it's Pella, so the thought is actually quite funny) appeared a block back and yelled something out at us. Yiding and I whipped our heads around to see what was going on but Andy and Christian snapped into action and told us to keep walking and not pay attention. Both of them positioned themselves behind Yiding (who still kept trying to look back) and me so that if the two punks came at us they'd run into the boys first. Protection.
I remember how their chests puffed up and they walked tall...not provoking, but almost as if to say, "I dare you! Don't mess with me!"
Guys, don't miss this...women feel precious when they are protected by the men in their life. They feel cared for and loved. I was not scared in the least that night walking the sidewalks back to campus, because I had a wall of warriors behind me. I won't forget that feeling.
So thank you, guys, for the fierceness in your hearts. To Protect and Rescue. For the strength you offer. Because in such a way...you are made in the image of God!
Oh...and to all my brothers...Happy Valentine's Day. :)
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